Today our community has been rocked by yet another teenage suicide. I find myself utterly heart broken for this little boy and for his family.
I find myself wondering where God is when a little boy is crying out, and becomes desperate enough to end his own life.
And so, I write this lament as a means of expressing my own grief and despair (even though the youngster is not known to me personally):
How Long, O Lord?
How long, O Lord?
How long until we stop hearing about young lives lost to hopelessness?
How long until despair and disappointment is a thing reserved until much later in life, when we can perhaps deal with it a little better?
These kids are too young, too energetic, too talented, and too brilliant for us to lose.
How long will loved ones continue to walk into a room and find their little ones dead?
How long will the hearts of whole communities be ripped apart by tragic premature death?
You promise to be with us.
You promise to never leave us, nor forsake us.
You assure us that your “yolk is easy and your burden is light”
We are told to cast our burdens upon you because you care for us.
Since the beginning, you have made yourself known to mankind,
So why are you hiding yourself from these young people?
Why do you hide yourself from their understanding; from their experience of life;
Why do you hold back your hope?
I have experienced that hope.
I know your “Good News!”
I know that hope always pervades and cannot be diminished.
I know that light always shines in the darkness, and that darkness cannot ever overcome it.
I know that you are good all the time, and that all the time you are good.
I know this.
But I am nearly 40 years old.
So tell me…
How can you reveal yourself to me, but you do not seem to be able to reveal yourself to the young one getting ready to end his or her life?
I know you are love.
I know you are love and that your love will continue with the grief stricken, broken family of that little boy.
But why was your love not made real for him before he ended his own life?
Why was his wee heart not healed and transformed?
Why was your hope hidden?
You loved that boy enough to die for him,
But you could not show yourself to him in the most desperate of moments, when he needed hope most.
I’m astounded by that.
Your apparent absence is staggering.
How long, O Lord!
How long will we wait for you to revive us?
How long will we have to wait for hope?
How long will the young continue to despair?
I’m hurt as I write this.
I’m angry at you, God.
I’m angry and disappointed.
…there is nowhere else to turn.
There is no other place to find hope and healing.
There is no other place to find unconditional, life transforming acceptance and love.
My faith hangs on by a thread right now, God.
Keep your promise and show yourself!
We need you to show yourself.
How long, O Lord, until you do?